marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
