what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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