Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
