I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
