just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
