Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
