so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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