I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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