tonight lets celebrate not being married
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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