Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
