i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
