Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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