Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
