Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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