one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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