dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
