You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
