In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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