My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My ass is underappreciated
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
