3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
