Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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