Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
