i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
