so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
