I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
