it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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