He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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