a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
