there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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