tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
