One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
