i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So vagazzling was a success
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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