yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
