Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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