Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
