dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Help. Why am I so naked?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
