Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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