i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
