Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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