i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
