he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
