It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
