Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
