Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
