Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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