The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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