I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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