i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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