He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
