I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We had to coat check the pizza.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
