There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
