you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
