you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
