I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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