I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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