watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
