dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
