Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
