bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
