my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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