dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
