I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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